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Wednesday 14th MAR 07 01:20am
In a week's time, my 27th birthday will arrive. I have been thinking what i have gained and lost these 27 years of my life. What my purpose is living this exsistence and what i should acomplish before i draw my last breath, whenever that may be.
I have lost much.
I have lost people i loved greatly and still do now. My family has broken apart, with a bankrupt dad who is struggling to make ends meet working in a far off country. A mother who, unfortunately loves money and status more then kinship. A sister that has grown distant from me, with us not communicating as much as we would like to have. A most recent case of heartbreak came in a form of someone just walking out on me after getting the worldly possessions that i could provide, condeming me in my face as a form of thanks. Living alone having to come to terms with an empty house and an empty heart. I lost my trust, my faith and my hope. I have lost the direction in my life, my purpose and my light.
I have Gained much.
I have gained a family whom i honestly don't think i deserve. Brothers whom i cherish and love with my life. Alan, Qing`An, Isaac, Jonathan. I have gained friends whom i treasure as a part of my life. Julius, Eddie, Lester and all the rest. I have gained a certian amount of freedom in my own place, my own car. I have gained a mentoring responsibility by earning my Black Belt and having been entrusted to teach juniors the art of Aikido. I have gained friends who makes me happy and makes me put my worries and troubles aside. I have gained a good job, and i am also in the process of setting up my own business.
We all seek to gain somethings in our lifetime. It differs from person to person but for me, i seek to earn respect, trust and dare i say it, even true love from the special someone out there.
I am still trying.
Seeking, hopeing.
I dare not say if the people i care about respect me, or place me at some place in their hearts, but life is always about doing your best, isn't it. We keep trying, doing what we think and know to be right to ourselves. As long we are sincere in our hearts, we have nothing to fear as we can stare the truth in the face and look it down face on.
I admit, although i know they would most likely not remember of even bother about my birthday at all, It would have been great if they make an effort to arrange a meeting for us to have a meal or something. It would be a good change if for once, it is THEY who make the arrangements and they who call me up for that special day. But yes, the fact is that such things only happens in dramas and tv serials. But i know that in their hearts, at least they still remember who i am. Sometimes, that all anyone could ask for.
My Birthday wish?
I wish time could turn back, so that i can at least still have that friendship with HIM. I would trade my days left on this earth, if only to re-live that one week, where we spent the most joyful time of my life together. The coffee drinking, the movie watching and yes, even that quiet bonding time where we just shared our dreams and life with each other.
I just wish for that friendship back. That word from his mouth, that happy birthday greeting.
But that, would be asking too much, wouldn't it?
My previous birthdays have been quiet, single affairs. Why should this time be any different?
But it is.
This time, it's only half of me around to say happy birthday to myself.
EarlGrey
In a week's time, my 27th birthday will arrive. I have been thinking what i have gained and lost these 27 years of my life. What my purpose is living this exsistence and what i should acomplish before i draw my last breath, whenever that may be.
I have lost much.
I have lost people i loved greatly and still do now. My family has broken apart, with a bankrupt dad who is struggling to make ends meet working in a far off country. A mother who, unfortunately loves money and status more then kinship. A sister that has grown distant from me, with us not communicating as much as we would like to have. A most recent case of heartbreak came in a form of someone just walking out on me after getting the worldly possessions that i could provide, condeming me in my face as a form of thanks. Living alone having to come to terms with an empty house and an empty heart. I lost my trust, my faith and my hope. I have lost the direction in my life, my purpose and my light.
I have Gained much.
I have gained a family whom i honestly don't think i deserve. Brothers whom i cherish and love with my life. Alan, Qing`An, Isaac, Jonathan. I have gained friends whom i treasure as a part of my life. Julius, Eddie, Lester and all the rest. I have gained a certian amount of freedom in my own place, my own car. I have gained a mentoring responsibility by earning my Black Belt and having been entrusted to teach juniors the art of Aikido. I have gained friends who makes me happy and makes me put my worries and troubles aside. I have gained a good job, and i am also in the process of setting up my own business.
We all seek to gain somethings in our lifetime. It differs from person to person but for me, i seek to earn respect, trust and dare i say it, even true love from the special someone out there.
I am still trying.
Seeking, hopeing.
I dare not say if the people i care about respect me, or place me at some place in their hearts, but life is always about doing your best, isn't it. We keep trying, doing what we think and know to be right to ourselves. As long we are sincere in our hearts, we have nothing to fear as we can stare the truth in the face and look it down face on.
I admit, although i know they would most likely not remember of even bother about my birthday at all, It would have been great if they make an effort to arrange a meeting for us to have a meal or something. It would be a good change if for once, it is THEY who make the arrangements and they who call me up for that special day. But yes, the fact is that such things only happens in dramas and tv serials. But i know that in their hearts, at least they still remember who i am. Sometimes, that all anyone could ask for.
My Birthday wish?
I wish time could turn back, so that i can at least still have that friendship with HIM. I would trade my days left on this earth, if only to re-live that one week, where we spent the most joyful time of my life together. The coffee drinking, the movie watching and yes, even that quiet bonding time where we just shared our dreams and life with each other.
I just wish for that friendship back. That word from his mouth, that happy birthday greeting.
But that, would be asking too much, wouldn't it?
My previous birthdays have been quiet, single affairs. Why should this time be any different?
But it is.
This time, it's only half of me around to say happy birthday to myself.
EarlGrey
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