Personal Data
Wednesday/Thursday 14-15 FEB 07 3:15am
I'm having one of those days where i just could not sleep so here i am blogging. I had just returned back a few hours ago from a Valentines Day Singles dinner with my friends. I guess that's at least better then being alone at home wasting away till the sun raises again. I just could not get to sleep so i started to rummage through my treasure trove of my younger years. The letters, the photos and memories of my growing up years. Way back then, there were no Handphones, Internet (Ok, so maybe there was, but a personal computer back then costs a huge fortune, and not affordable to many), pagers and such that we younglings can afford to have. So we rely on the trusty phone or letters to communicate with each other. Looking at my treasures, i only have a stack of letters given to me by my one and only Girlfriend. Yes yes, Girlfriend. A REAL girl with breasts and all. But it was a long distance relationship. She was in Jurong, i was in Tampines, we are students, there was no internet and handphones, you get the picture. It was virtually impossible for us to meet up for anything. So she wrote me letters. Unfortunately, she was the only one writting and i was the only one who recieves. As you can see, it was a doomed relationship from the start. So when my friends asks me now, i tell them i never had a GF before.
Which is TRUE lor. You can have many girlfriends in name... but it is only when you both are together and understanding each other that you can claim it is a relationship right? But this is a long story lar, no one is interested in this story anyway right?
Right then, let's move on.
Now, during my school days, there was this very in thing about having god-brothers, especially when you are already a senior in school. I wonder if the same is true for kids nowadays. But during my time, it was hot and in. So everyone was someone elses brother, and one lucky boy will be the younger brother of the big brother in school, with all the prvileages and rank assosicated with that status. It's horrendiously childish i know, but hey, i was a kid back then. Doing stupid things are excusable.
I of course had my share of god-brothers. And it was so important to be that i even went to create a paper form for my godbrothers to fill up, detailing their IC numbers, addresses and so on and so forth. I called it the Personal Data or "PD Form" for short.
Yes... Scary isn't it? In it, they even have to tell me things like, who they like, their ambition, etc etc. Like as if they were applying for a job. And then there were the photos, photos which i laminated and kept all these years.
I never managed to get any good photos with me and Zax. I know that things have already ended now, and i had known for a long time that it would, how i knew would be another story all together. But you see, i can no longer have the memory, that moment where we were happy together. To me, these moments are priceless. And, i never had it. It's such a waste.
I know that Jon and Isaac and the other people i care about in my life for that matter would never want to have any picture taken with me. I'm gay you see..... it's just not right to take a picture with an abnormal creature. So, that's just the way it is. But anyway, back to the PD form.
I understand that if i were to give this to people like Jon and Isaac now, boy, would they freak out and never want to see me again. LOL.
I even went as far as have an "Offical God-Brother" certificate. Unbelievable? BELIEVE IT.
I still have the certificates with me now.
Yes. The good old days.
In this time and age, everyone, the teenagers included have gone beyond these type of practice to confirm a friendship. In my time, we all signed certificates, made pacts and all that. In the end, my first godbrother, the one i loved the most at that time still betrayed me in the end.
This led me to think about my life now.
At the end of the day, all this confirmation, certification. Does it really do any good? People can get legally married then file for divorce the next year. Much less friendships and brotherhood?
I have matured throughout the years. My understanding of life has changed. What is the point of signing and doing all those silly pacts when the most important element is not sealed?
The heart.
If people do not have you in the heart, or just treats the relationship as a "come and go" matter, would ANY form of signed forms and pacts be of any use?
If i were to get Isaac and Jon to sign the PD form now, they will not do it. Cause it's freaking childish and stupid. Heck, i think it is too.
All i need really is for them to place me in a little place in their heart. Just alittle. Unfortunately, i also know that this is as good as waiting for the sky to drop.
Really the question is,
Will you really be able to "sign" somebody in your heart? Or will you only feel the loss when that someone is really gone for good?
Happy Valentines Day
EarlGrey
I'm having one of those days where i just could not sleep so here i am blogging. I had just returned back a few hours ago from a Valentines Day Singles dinner with my friends. I guess that's at least better then being alone at home wasting away till the sun raises again. I just could not get to sleep so i started to rummage through my treasure trove of my younger years. The letters, the photos and memories of my growing up years. Way back then, there were no Handphones, Internet (Ok, so maybe there was, but a personal computer back then costs a huge fortune, and not affordable to many), pagers and such that we younglings can afford to have. So we rely on the trusty phone or letters to communicate with each other. Looking at my treasures, i only have a stack of letters given to me by my one and only Girlfriend. Yes yes, Girlfriend. A REAL girl with breasts and all. But it was a long distance relationship. She was in Jurong, i was in Tampines, we are students, there was no internet and handphones, you get the picture. It was virtually impossible for us to meet up for anything. So she wrote me letters. Unfortunately, she was the only one writting and i was the only one who recieves. As you can see, it was a doomed relationship from the start. So when my friends asks me now, i tell them i never had a GF before.
Which is TRUE lor. You can have many girlfriends in name... but it is only when you both are together and understanding each other that you can claim it is a relationship right? But this is a long story lar, no one is interested in this story anyway right?
Right then, let's move on.
Now, during my school days, there was this very in thing about having god-brothers, especially when you are already a senior in school. I wonder if the same is true for kids nowadays. But during my time, it was hot and in. So everyone was someone elses brother, and one lucky boy will be the younger brother of the big brother in school, with all the prvileages and rank assosicated with that status. It's horrendiously childish i know, but hey, i was a kid back then. Doing stupid things are excusable.
I of course had my share of god-brothers. And it was so important to be that i even went to create a paper form for my godbrothers to fill up, detailing their IC numbers, addresses and so on and so forth. I called it the Personal Data or "PD Form" for short.
Yes... Scary isn't it? In it, they even have to tell me things like, who they like, their ambition, etc etc. Like as if they were applying for a job. And then there were the photos, photos which i laminated and kept all these years.
I never managed to get any good photos with me and Zax. I know that things have already ended now, and i had known for a long time that it would, how i knew would be another story all together. But you see, i can no longer have the memory, that moment where we were happy together. To me, these moments are priceless. And, i never had it. It's such a waste.
I know that Jon and Isaac and the other people i care about in my life for that matter would never want to have any picture taken with me. I'm gay you see..... it's just not right to take a picture with an abnormal creature. So, that's just the way it is. But anyway, back to the PD form.
I understand that if i were to give this to people like Jon and Isaac now, boy, would they freak out and never want to see me again. LOL.
I even went as far as have an "Offical God-Brother" certificate. Unbelievable? BELIEVE IT.
I still have the certificates with me now.
Yes. The good old days.
In this time and age, everyone, the teenagers included have gone beyond these type of practice to confirm a friendship. In my time, we all signed certificates, made pacts and all that. In the end, my first godbrother, the one i loved the most at that time still betrayed me in the end.
This led me to think about my life now.
At the end of the day, all this confirmation, certification. Does it really do any good? People can get legally married then file for divorce the next year. Much less friendships and brotherhood?
I have matured throughout the years. My understanding of life has changed. What is the point of signing and doing all those silly pacts when the most important element is not sealed?
The heart.
If people do not have you in the heart, or just treats the relationship as a "come and go" matter, would ANY form of signed forms and pacts be of any use?
If i were to get Isaac and Jon to sign the PD form now, they will not do it. Cause it's freaking childish and stupid. Heck, i think it is too.
All i need really is for them to place me in a little place in their heart. Just alittle. Unfortunately, i also know that this is as good as waiting for the sky to drop.
Really the question is,
Will you really be able to "sign" somebody in your heart? Or will you only feel the loss when that someone is really gone for good?
Happy Valentines Day
EarlGrey
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