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Tuesday 23rd JAN 07 11:30pm
I never liked any confrontation. I have never been that kind of person. But sometimes when a person has too much pent up, he/she will tend to blow up, albeit in various degrees.
I had an argument with Isaac tonite, as i was writting my blog. It started out as a small matter of the few of us spending time together. I admit, during the course of the argument, i did question myself as to why i had such a big feeling towards this matter. I realised soon enough that the incident with Zax has effected me in more ways then i could imagine.
I have become dis-trustful. I looked at everything in a negative way. After all, someone i love so much and trusted with my life ended up betraying me and stabbing me in my heart. So sue me if i'm abit defensive now. But that's not the reason why i argued with Isaac. He and Jon lied to me. They played me out together.
We had arranged to meet up the night before. After training, and then i made another effort to confirm the details again when they were at my house. But i should have known. From the look of Jon's eyes i KNEW there was something wrong, something he could not bear or dare to tell me. But i blindly held on to the faith that they would tell me the truth if there was anything wrong with our arrangement. It never came. Isaac said he needed to confirm with me the next day. And i said ok.... just LET ME KNOW EARLY. He said ok.
The next day arrived. Morning came and went. I sent out an sms asking if the meeting is still on. No reply. Afternoon came. I sent out another sms. This time, Jon replied saying he is not meeting Isaac anymore. Isaac replied that he was with his friend and that he should be finished soon. Afternoon came AND went. Evening 5pm. I sent another SMS, practically begging for a reply from them. And the reply?
"I'm now with Jon Lai and Zax, you still want to join us?"
I flipped. I did not know how to react. I think i sent an angry sms back... i forgot what it was.
Now, before you start thinking nonsense, i'm not angry because they were out with Zax. I admit, he was one factor for my anger, but not the main issue. The fact was that they LIED. And they played me out. Were they thinking about my feelings then? Did they bother? All i needed was for them to just TELL me early. "Oh, i think we meeting Zax tomorrow" i would have been ok with it. REALLY.
As long they are straight with me. But no. They had to make me wait. WASTE my bloody time just WAITING. I wasted my SATURDAY just waiting for these people. When they could have just told me earlier.
There is only one reason for this. They didn't bother. Simple as that. And thats what hurt me the most.
And when i told Isaac about this just now?
"This happens to everyone lar"
"Just forget about it can you or not?"
When all i need to hear was a sincere "I'm sorry".
It's so simple isn't it? the nonchalant attitude. "This happens to everyone mar... deal with it lor"
"Forget about it lar.... it's your fault you want to remember this thing"
The funny thing? This very same thing happened to Isaac when he broke off with his ex. And who was there to lend him a shoulder to cry on.... and offer encouragement? I guess that was all redundant
Yes, Zax did betray me. He DID hurt me a hell lot. But i also know when to put aside my own hurt and pain and still treat those i care about the same.
All i asked for is just that little Respect... and a little bit of thought for me.
Is that too much to ask?
Can i ever trust people again?
Horatio Caine
EarlGrey
I never liked any confrontation. I have never been that kind of person. But sometimes when a person has too much pent up, he/she will tend to blow up, albeit in various degrees.
I had an argument with Isaac tonite, as i was writting my blog. It started out as a small matter of the few of us spending time together. I admit, during the course of the argument, i did question myself as to why i had such a big feeling towards this matter. I realised soon enough that the incident with Zax has effected me in more ways then i could imagine.
I have become dis-trustful. I looked at everything in a negative way. After all, someone i love so much and trusted with my life ended up betraying me and stabbing me in my heart. So sue me if i'm abit defensive now. But that's not the reason why i argued with Isaac. He and Jon lied to me. They played me out together.
We had arranged to meet up the night before. After training, and then i made another effort to confirm the details again when they were at my house. But i should have known. From the look of Jon's eyes i KNEW there was something wrong, something he could not bear or dare to tell me. But i blindly held on to the faith that they would tell me the truth if there was anything wrong with our arrangement. It never came. Isaac said he needed to confirm with me the next day. And i said ok.... just LET ME KNOW EARLY. He said ok.
The next day arrived. Morning came and went. I sent out an sms asking if the meeting is still on. No reply. Afternoon came. I sent out another sms. This time, Jon replied saying he is not meeting Isaac anymore. Isaac replied that he was with his friend and that he should be finished soon. Afternoon came AND went. Evening 5pm. I sent another SMS, practically begging for a reply from them. And the reply?
"I'm now with Jon Lai and Zax, you still want to join us?"
I flipped. I did not know how to react. I think i sent an angry sms back... i forgot what it was.
Now, before you start thinking nonsense, i'm not angry because they were out with Zax. I admit, he was one factor for my anger, but not the main issue. The fact was that they LIED. And they played me out. Were they thinking about my feelings then? Did they bother? All i needed was for them to just TELL me early. "Oh, i think we meeting Zax tomorrow" i would have been ok with it. REALLY.
As long they are straight with me. But no. They had to make me wait. WASTE my bloody time just WAITING. I wasted my SATURDAY just waiting for these people. When they could have just told me earlier.
There is only one reason for this. They didn't bother. Simple as that. And thats what hurt me the most.
And when i told Isaac about this just now?
"This happens to everyone lar"
"Just forget about it can you or not?"
When all i need to hear was a sincere "I'm sorry".
It's so simple isn't it? the nonchalant attitude. "This happens to everyone mar... deal with it lor"
"Forget about it lar.... it's your fault you want to remember this thing"
The funny thing? This very same thing happened to Isaac when he broke off with his ex. And who was there to lend him a shoulder to cry on.... and offer encouragement? I guess that was all redundant
Yes, Zax did betray me. He DID hurt me a hell lot. But i also know when to put aside my own hurt and pain and still treat those i care about the same.
All i asked for is just that little Respect... and a little bit of thought for me.
Is that too much to ask?
Can i ever trust people again?
Horatio Caine
EarlGrey
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