Hurting Badly
Monday 11th DEC 06 12:50am
I really do not understand why he has to do this to me. I get it if he wants to cut all contact with me. I can even accept him thinking of me as a monster. But why is he doing this to me? Why does he want to torture me like this? Nevermind that he has already removed me from friendster, he has stopped replying to my MSN and SMSes. But he leaves me on his MSN list and puts all those nicks JUST TO SPITE ME?
WHY?
I GAVE him everything i could. I treated him like my OWN flesh and blood. WHY THE HELL DOES HE HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?!
I really needed some answers. So i did the only thing i know of. I meditated. I believe strongly that everything happens for a reason.
No matter what he has done or is doing now, I believe in him. STUPID? CRAZY? INSANE?
No.
He is a good person. A boy with a good heart. We sat down and we talked about our issues awhile back. I like to think that i have an understanding with him. He must have a reason for doing this to me. He is not so heartless as to just wipe his ass and walk off.
Blind faith? My brother Allan walked out on me once. Now, our relationship is closer then ever.
I don't have the habit of giving up on people i love.
Am i hurt? Of course. VERY DEEPLY. But if this pain is what it takes to prove to him that i care for him, no matter what comes. I will gladly do it.
And if, it turns out that i am wrong all along? That he REALLY is the heartless son of a bitch, bloody bastard that he is?
It's not his fault either. WHY? Why can't i just wake up and smell the roses? why can i just see that he was using me all these while? cause he gets many things from me. My possessions, my money, my time. Just taking me for a fool?
We all meet one another through fate. Nothing is by chance. Only the choices you make in life is in your control.
I owe him a big debt. A debt that i have to pay even in this life. He is just here to collect.
I know this may sound familiar you guys. I wrote that before in my earlier post. After my meditation for the answer, i had this recurring dream for the past 3 days.
He took 99 stabs from 6 lances to protect me in my previous life, when i was a well known healer serving a kingdom. And he, one of my most loyal disciples. Due to an anarchy within the kingdom, i was convicted wrongly as a dark magic user and forced to flee for my life. I was unwilling to use my powers against the soldiers and after a short chase, we were cornered and there was no escape. I had 10 people with me. Not all of which i know by face or name. But his face was there. Clear as day. In his effort to protect me, he stood infront of the soldiers and was stabbed to death by the Lances of the Soldiers.
99 times.
So you see. I DO owe him. Big. So if our friendship were to end now. Then, it ends. Maybe this was my debt to him. Something i had to reply. Now, i'm a realistic person. My dream may not be real at all, It's a far fetched story. Even for me. Never mind that it was the same dream 3 times over. But you see, this dream can also be my higher subconciousness telling me that Maybe, Maybe it's just that i owe him something. And a debt i have to pay, and it's going to be a price that is gonna be heavy on me.
I have tried my best to repair the friendship. My heart is clear. The rest, I leave it to fate. Meanwhile, i'm trying my best to move on with life. It's hard...... I'am still trying.
On a lighter note, i'm already working on this "project" that i have promised my readers. I won't tell you what yet, but for those who remember, just tag what you think it is and if you are the first one to get it correct, I will give you the "project" for free when i am done with it.
EarlGrey
I really do not understand why he has to do this to me. I get it if he wants to cut all contact with me. I can even accept him thinking of me as a monster. But why is he doing this to me? Why does he want to torture me like this? Nevermind that he has already removed me from friendster, he has stopped replying to my MSN and SMSes. But he leaves me on his MSN list and puts all those nicks JUST TO SPITE ME?
WHY?
I GAVE him everything i could. I treated him like my OWN flesh and blood. WHY THE HELL DOES HE HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?!
I really needed some answers. So i did the only thing i know of. I meditated. I believe strongly that everything happens for a reason.
No matter what he has done or is doing now, I believe in him. STUPID? CRAZY? INSANE?
No.
He is a good person. A boy with a good heart. We sat down and we talked about our issues awhile back. I like to think that i have an understanding with him. He must have a reason for doing this to me. He is not so heartless as to just wipe his ass and walk off.
Blind faith? My brother Allan walked out on me once. Now, our relationship is closer then ever.
I don't have the habit of giving up on people i love.
Am i hurt? Of course. VERY DEEPLY. But if this pain is what it takes to prove to him that i care for him, no matter what comes. I will gladly do it.
And if, it turns out that i am wrong all along? That he REALLY is the heartless son of a bitch, bloody bastard that he is?
It's not his fault either. WHY? Why can't i just wake up and smell the roses? why can i just see that he was using me all these while? cause he gets many things from me. My possessions, my money, my time. Just taking me for a fool?
We all meet one another through fate. Nothing is by chance. Only the choices you make in life is in your control.
I owe him a big debt. A debt that i have to pay even in this life. He is just here to collect.
I know this may sound familiar you guys. I wrote that before in my earlier post. After my meditation for the answer, i had this recurring dream for the past 3 days.
He took 99 stabs from 6 lances to protect me in my previous life, when i was a well known healer serving a kingdom. And he, one of my most loyal disciples. Due to an anarchy within the kingdom, i was convicted wrongly as a dark magic user and forced to flee for my life. I was unwilling to use my powers against the soldiers and after a short chase, we were cornered and there was no escape. I had 10 people with me. Not all of which i know by face or name. But his face was there. Clear as day. In his effort to protect me, he stood infront of the soldiers and was stabbed to death by the Lances of the Soldiers.
99 times.
So you see. I DO owe him. Big. So if our friendship were to end now. Then, it ends. Maybe this was my debt to him. Something i had to reply. Now, i'm a realistic person. My dream may not be real at all, It's a far fetched story. Even for me. Never mind that it was the same dream 3 times over. But you see, this dream can also be my higher subconciousness telling me that Maybe, Maybe it's just that i owe him something. And a debt i have to pay, and it's going to be a price that is gonna be heavy on me.
I have tried my best to repair the friendship. My heart is clear. The rest, I leave it to fate. Meanwhile, i'm trying my best to move on with life. It's hard...... I'am still trying.
On a lighter note, i'm already working on this "project" that i have promised my readers. I won't tell you what yet, but for those who remember, just tag what you think it is and if you are the first one to get it correct, I will give you the "project" for free when i am done with it.
EarlGrey
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