Fear
Sunday 26th NOV 06 11:55pm
I fear that i may lose him. If i have not already. We don't talk or meet as we used to. Maybe it's just because of our age gap. He has his own life and i mine. We suddenly can't communicate anymore. I tried asking him out a few times. He declined everytime.
Jon asked me why i continue loving him and caring for him when i know in my heart that he will never accept me. Honestly that's what i want to know myself.
Have you ever loved someone before? Maybe when you have, you will be as stupid as me. I told Jon he has it easy. At least when he likes a girl, he will have a higher chance of getting that love returned. He just needs to get his self confidence to ask the girl out. That's why people choose to be straight i guess. Doing what is right.
Only idiots like me wants to go against nature. Thinking that somehow we can win.
There is this saying "True Love conquers all". That's really a bunch of Bull Crap isn't it? So long that it's not a boy-girl scenerio, there is no such thing as true love. I learnt it the hard way.
MingZhe, Raymond and now him. Three times i tried. Three times i failed. TOTALLY.
All times i really gave my all. But then i got myself slapped in the face for just trying.
I am really tired. He's not very handsome by standards. But he is perfect in my eyes.
I don't have much time left.
Maybe i should just go and get myself some boy from the local gay community. You will be suprised how much "love" $300 can get you a month. There are actually very young boys who are willing to do that for the money, believe it or not. Yes. I was shocked too. During my time, even the mention of the word puberty was considered a bad word. How times have changed.
You see people poking holes in their bodies to put all sorts of studs, punky hair and outrageous hair colour, Tattoos all over the body, Foul language in every other sentence and YET, Amazingly, there is no change in the mindset towards same gender relationships. Sheesh.
I am really emotionally spent.
I should just stop. But you know what? I can't. No matter how much i try to forget him, i remember him more.
Someone please hire a hit man and put a bullet through my head.
You will be doing me a favour.
Really.
EarlGrey
I fear that i may lose him. If i have not already. We don't talk or meet as we used to. Maybe it's just because of our age gap. He has his own life and i mine. We suddenly can't communicate anymore. I tried asking him out a few times. He declined everytime.
Jon asked me why i continue loving him and caring for him when i know in my heart that he will never accept me. Honestly that's what i want to know myself.
Have you ever loved someone before? Maybe when you have, you will be as stupid as me. I told Jon he has it easy. At least when he likes a girl, he will have a higher chance of getting that love returned. He just needs to get his self confidence to ask the girl out. That's why people choose to be straight i guess. Doing what is right.
Only idiots like me wants to go against nature. Thinking that somehow we can win.
There is this saying "True Love conquers all". That's really a bunch of Bull Crap isn't it? So long that it's not a boy-girl scenerio, there is no such thing as true love. I learnt it the hard way.
MingZhe, Raymond and now him. Three times i tried. Three times i failed. TOTALLY.
All times i really gave my all. But then i got myself slapped in the face for just trying.
I am really tired. He's not very handsome by standards. But he is perfect in my eyes.
I don't have much time left.
Maybe i should just go and get myself some boy from the local gay community. You will be suprised how much "love" $300 can get you a month. There are actually very young boys who are willing to do that for the money, believe it or not. Yes. I was shocked too. During my time, even the mention of the word puberty was considered a bad word. How times have changed.
You see people poking holes in their bodies to put all sorts of studs, punky hair and outrageous hair colour, Tattoos all over the body, Foul language in every other sentence and YET, Amazingly, there is no change in the mindset towards same gender relationships. Sheesh.
I am really emotionally spent.
I should just stop. But you know what? I can't. No matter how much i try to forget him, i remember him more.
Someone please hire a hit man and put a bullet through my head.
You will be doing me a favour.
Really.
EarlGrey
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