Blood Debt
Wednesday 06 DEC 06 12:00am
I gave my heart. I gave my time. I gave my sweat. I gave my money. I never asked for any return. I saw something in him that i could relate to. Someone i felt i could connect with. Someone i love dearly. And for what?
For his silence. Just like that, not even a word, no reason, no why. Just total silence. He won't even answer my SMSes. My pleas for a reconciliation.
I tried. I really did. I apologised, i pleaded, i lowered my value to almost nothing. Never mind that he insults me or says insensitive things about me. Nevermind the ignorings. I just want to repair this friendship. I seriously want to repair this friendship.
I have lost so many people in my life. People who just walked away like this. Without a reason, without a word. Why do they do this to me? Am i really such a monster that no one can accept?
I feel so lost. Yes, i love him alot. But i never expected him to love me back. Just to appreciate the care i show for him. Is that too much to ask?
And now what i get is SILENCE and total INCACERATION?
I really feel so painful now. I really do.
Maybe i owed him a blood debt in my previous life. That's why he is here to collect now. In the form that is the most painful. No, i don't blame him. I'm not angry. He needs his space and he has his life. This is the only other thing i can give him now. Peace and freedom. Maybe one day, when he is ready, he will accept my friendship again.
Yes. I still have not given up on him. I won't. Maybe he has some reason for doing the things he is doing to me. Maybe he heard something, or have been called something by someone he cared for.
A few years back, my own brother did the same thing to me. He just left my life for no reason. Not even an explaination. He blocked me on MSN, he won't reply my SMSes and he would even cut my calls off. But i never gave up on him. He is my brother. I will never give up on someone i love. NEVER. Fortunately, he came back into my life after awhile. He told me he was suprised i never gave up on him. Now he knows.
There is ONE thing that i am certain of after this lesson in life. True love DOES NOT exsist.
I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is a test, a test for something bigger in my life to come. For me to be able to handle it when it comes. Or, to guage if i will be able to handle it.
To say that it's easy for me would be a lie. No words can come to my mind now. All i can say is that i'm hurting badly. And the pain is great. The only type of pain that comes from the place that makes us human.
Through the heart.
I...... really don't know what to do.
Today, i have lost another person.
Another person i love, a person i call my friend.
How do i get through this?
EarlGrey
I gave my heart. I gave my time. I gave my sweat. I gave my money. I never asked for any return. I saw something in him that i could relate to. Someone i felt i could connect with. Someone i love dearly. And for what?
For his silence. Just like that, not even a word, no reason, no why. Just total silence. He won't even answer my SMSes. My pleas for a reconciliation.
I tried. I really did. I apologised, i pleaded, i lowered my value to almost nothing. Never mind that he insults me or says insensitive things about me. Nevermind the ignorings. I just want to repair this friendship. I seriously want to repair this friendship.
I have lost so many people in my life. People who just walked away like this. Without a reason, without a word. Why do they do this to me? Am i really such a monster that no one can accept?
I feel so lost. Yes, i love him alot. But i never expected him to love me back. Just to appreciate the care i show for him. Is that too much to ask?
And now what i get is SILENCE and total INCACERATION?
I really feel so painful now. I really do.
Maybe i owed him a blood debt in my previous life. That's why he is here to collect now. In the form that is the most painful. No, i don't blame him. I'm not angry. He needs his space and he has his life. This is the only other thing i can give him now. Peace and freedom. Maybe one day, when he is ready, he will accept my friendship again.
Yes. I still have not given up on him. I won't. Maybe he has some reason for doing the things he is doing to me. Maybe he heard something, or have been called something by someone he cared for.
A few years back, my own brother did the same thing to me. He just left my life for no reason. Not even an explaination. He blocked me on MSN, he won't reply my SMSes and he would even cut my calls off. But i never gave up on him. He is my brother. I will never give up on someone i love. NEVER. Fortunately, he came back into my life after awhile. He told me he was suprised i never gave up on him. Now he knows.
There is ONE thing that i am certain of after this lesson in life. True love DOES NOT exsist.
I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is a test, a test for something bigger in my life to come. For me to be able to handle it when it comes. Or, to guage if i will be able to handle it.
To say that it's easy for me would be a lie. No words can come to my mind now. All i can say is that i'm hurting badly. And the pain is great. The only type of pain that comes from the place that makes us human.
Through the heart.
I...... really don't know what to do.
Today, i have lost another person.
Another person i love, a person i call my friend.
How do i get through this?
EarlGrey
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