Take and Stab
Thurs 7th Jun 07 1:40am
I cant blog as much as i would like to now since my laptop seems to shut down on me ever so often nowadays. The only other alternative i have is to use my E65 to blog. This is NOT an advertisement to glorify my phone. I say it as it is. The wifi feature is a really cool and convinent feature to have.
I could have just let my blog sit and collect dust to save myself the trouble of bloging with a phone. Try it. U will know wat i mean. However, i think there are many things that need to be said and clarified.
My two brothers just left my house after a visit. Initially i was very happy that the 3 of us can meet up again and more so that they were the one who made the effort to come over and visit. That was before i found out the true reason behind their visit. They wanted to borrow my car. At that moment i realised that i have already spoiled them. It hurt me so much that they only had my car in mind when they came over to visit me. This was evident by the fact that they had calls coming in and they had to talk in whispers asking for more time. They were going to pick up people.
This showed me one thing. They already decided they were gonna have my car in the first place. Even arranged to have friends waiting to be picked up.
What about MY decision? Did they respect me? What if i were to not lend my car to them? I thought they wanted to see their brother together. Only to realise that i was actually worth less then a car. Appearences are deciving arent they?
Such as the bunch of new kids that have joined our dojo tonite. Someone commented they are ganster wannabes. I am so dissapointed. They came to join the art because i recommended them to. One of them even sold of his bike just to take up the art. Everyone of them paid for their own training with their own money. They did that on their own will. I think that beats people who dosent need to pay for their training sessions themselves many times over. Gangster wannabes? Would a gangster take up a martial art that requires them to be obediant? And a "soft" martial art at that? More importantly, does he think i am somebody who will get myself involved with problem kids? Why pass judgement on sight? Even if they do portray some element of defiance, dosent all kids do that? Wat is important is that we try to give them more good influences. We give people a chance to prove his/her worth. Must i justify who i am with? Who i choose to make friends with?
He said i chose to stick around with the usless kids. It was their first lesson. I had to spend time to talk to them, and ask them how they find the training thus far. Then apparently he had something to talk to me about but just chose to walk away.
If u had something to tell me say so. I will MAKE time for u. Damn it. U KNOW what place u have in my heart. If u needed my time all u had to do was ask! Then u tell me you and your gang have came to a decision. You refuse to tell me wat that is. It has something to do with why the gang is not replying my sms.
I am tired. I am so bloody tired of trying. So bloody tired of trying to think of every one elses feelings. Tired of not wanting to make anyone feel left out, of not making anyone feel less appreciated. If they dun want to answer my smses anymore, so be it. If they dun want to see me anymore so be it. If they want to end the friendship, so be it. One of them has removed me from her friendster list anyway already. I dun mind sacrificing my time and effort. I dun mind wasting my energy and petrol, time and money just to make sure i send you all to the doorstep. In the end, all is for nothing.
I am a bad friend. I am a worse brother to anyone.
If u think i am not worth your time, just say so. Do not torture me like this. Please.
EarlGrey ^E65
I cant blog as much as i would like to now since my laptop seems to shut down on me ever so often nowadays. The only other alternative i have is to use my E65 to blog. This is NOT an advertisement to glorify my phone. I say it as it is. The wifi feature is a really cool and convinent feature to have.
I could have just let my blog sit and collect dust to save myself the trouble of bloging with a phone. Try it. U will know wat i mean. However, i think there are many things that need to be said and clarified.
My two brothers just left my house after a visit. Initially i was very happy that the 3 of us can meet up again and more so that they were the one who made the effort to come over and visit. That was before i found out the true reason behind their visit. They wanted to borrow my car. At that moment i realised that i have already spoiled them. It hurt me so much that they only had my car in mind when they came over to visit me. This was evident by the fact that they had calls coming in and they had to talk in whispers asking for more time. They were going to pick up people.
This showed me one thing. They already decided they were gonna have my car in the first place. Even arranged to have friends waiting to be picked up.
What about MY decision? Did they respect me? What if i were to not lend my car to them? I thought they wanted to see their brother together. Only to realise that i was actually worth less then a car. Appearences are deciving arent they?
Such as the bunch of new kids that have joined our dojo tonite. Someone commented they are ganster wannabes. I am so dissapointed. They came to join the art because i recommended them to. One of them even sold of his bike just to take up the art. Everyone of them paid for their own training with their own money. They did that on their own will. I think that beats people who dosent need to pay for their training sessions themselves many times over. Gangster wannabes? Would a gangster take up a martial art that requires them to be obediant? And a "soft" martial art at that? More importantly, does he think i am somebody who will get myself involved with problem kids? Why pass judgement on sight? Even if they do portray some element of defiance, dosent all kids do that? Wat is important is that we try to give them more good influences. We give people a chance to prove his/her worth. Must i justify who i am with? Who i choose to make friends with?
He said i chose to stick around with the usless kids. It was their first lesson. I had to spend time to talk to them, and ask them how they find the training thus far. Then apparently he had something to talk to me about but just chose to walk away.
If u had something to tell me say so. I will MAKE time for u. Damn it. U KNOW what place u have in my heart. If u needed my time all u had to do was ask! Then u tell me you and your gang have came to a decision. You refuse to tell me wat that is. It has something to do with why the gang is not replying my sms.
I am tired. I am so bloody tired of trying. So bloody tired of trying to think of every one elses feelings. Tired of not wanting to make anyone feel left out, of not making anyone feel less appreciated. If they dun want to answer my smses anymore, so be it. If they dun want to see me anymore so be it. If they want to end the friendship, so be it. One of them has removed me from her friendster list anyway already. I dun mind sacrificing my time and effort. I dun mind wasting my energy and petrol, time and money just to make sure i send you all to the doorstep. In the end, all is for nothing.
I am a bad friend. I am a worse brother to anyone.
If u think i am not worth your time, just say so. Do not torture me like this. Please.
EarlGrey ^E65
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