Song

Thursday 19th OCT 06 5:55pm

"A little While"

I tried. I failed. I try yet again, the result stagnant still.
I have lost my heart, it has been given to you.
I cannot forget you, I cannot let you go
I don't know why, it's hurting inside, just to look at you.
I want you to be happy, i want you to know joy.
Even if it bleeds me slowly, your future superceeds mine.
I know i can never touch your heart, no matter how much i do or try
But please believe me when i say i will never stop to try.
One day, you will find that girl in your life.
The one who will take your heart.
You will love her then, as i am loving you now, and even more so then you or i can tell.

*chorus*

Be happy, live your life.
You keep asking me if there is a price to pay
for the things i have given you, for the love i sent your way.
there is a price to pay.
pay me back with your smile, your happiness and content.
And maybe, just maybe, in your heart, give me a little place.
I can only stand at a distance and watch as you fade away from my life.
I love you, i really do.
because of that, i have to let you go.

*chorus*

Maybe you won't even feel a thing, as i am sure you most likely do
But it's my wound, and it's up to me to see it heal.
I may never heal fully, the scars big and deep
but at least i know for true,
You are the one i loved and forever will be still.

*I won't say goodbye because i know i can't comply.

I won't say farewell, because i know myself too well.

I will say good luck, follow your own path, i'll just be in your way

I will say take care, Please forget me, it will just take a little while.*

Earlgrey


Since i was a kid, i have never had anyone there to take care of me or to go to for advice. I had to fall, i had to bleed and come back up myself. Hard knocks and scraped knees are a norm for me. When i saw him for the first time 4 years ago, i thought i say myself in him, that spunky and innocent litte kid. I suppose i just wanted to feel what it is like to take care of somebody and through this, understand what it is like to actually be cared for by someone, growing up.

He dosen't read my blog, he dosen't care. And sometimes he just dosen't want to know what i write because he will practically puke internally.

People ask me why am i so stupid, loving some kid who obviously has no intention of accepting me or loving me back. Why hurt myself for nothing?

The reason is simple.

I love him. Love. I wished i was not hurting the way i did also. But i have already loved. How can i just forget, pack up and go?

You think i don't want to have someone who will love me back? But love is a gamble. sometimes you win, most times you lose. He is not to be blamed.

I wish I HAD someone who loves me.

Maybe that can balance it all out. I do not regret loving him and i never will. True, sometimes he says things that just stabs me like i'm some peice of steak. But you know what? When i am with him, i feel as if my life has meaning and nothing in this world cannot be solved.

Yes.... so he can't or won't love me back. Big deal. Who i love is HIM. I don't love so he must tell me "i love you too.... let's make wild love tonite".

Sometimes my friends, we have to bleed abit. So next time, we know how to tell if someone in our lives does the same to us.

I'm not a composer or a poet. But this song i made is purely from the heart. I'm sorry if it's too low class for you guys or just a bad piece of work.

But it's from my heart. And it's for him. I dun give 2 freaking hoots what you guys think of it.

Don't read my blog if you don't like it.

EarlGrey