SNAP
Wednesday 19th July 06 09:05am
The latest round of the flu outbreak has unfortunately found their way into my system last week. High fever, cough, sore throat etc etc. The feeling was horrible. And what is worse, the wait for consulting a doctor is horrendeous. It took me TWO full hours of waiting and i STILL could not be seen by the doctor. Not just once, but 2 times in the week. I totally gave up waiting for the doc. Anyone who has been down with fever will understand how i feel when i say it's totally not fun to be sitting around feeling like you might just DIE in an air-con room waiting for your turn for the doctor.
So what is a guy to do? Survive on Panadol and wait out the cough. Saves me some money this way too. The feeling that you might just drop dead anytime also puts a person in perspective. I begin to think about the people around me, how i have treated them and vice versa. Ultimately, one can't help but think about the person he/she loves at that time. I, too, thought about the person i love currently. How recent events have happened between that person and me. I shall not use any names here, only because i know for a fact that the person will so freak out and NEVER talk to me again if he ever finds out the truth, no less because it's written out HERE, in a blog on the big wide internet. That's not to say that he has not already suspected to begin with. He kept asking me questions after questions about WHO it is that i love blah blah blah.
Why are kids so irritating nowadays? Sigh.
In the end, does it really matter who it is that i love? are names really necessary? me and him, never possible i guess. But the funny thing is, i see him almost everyday, and anytime i wish. I managed to get this very rare one off photo of him which i put into my handphone's wall paper. But that's all i can have of him, i realised. As it is, he dosen't talk to me much already. E ven when we DO talk, his answers are "Yup", "Nope" etc etc. He's such a great conversationist. *rolls eyeballs*. I put in his name with a donation to this Thai temple. Apparently he will have his name inscribed into the fondations of the temple and his life will change for the better.
I'am like that sometimes. Sucker for the romatic and the superfillious. Call it stupid, childish whatever. But i DO love him. Anything that has any potential good for him, i'll do. Next time when either of you falls in love, you'll understand what i'am doing too. There are so many time when i see him online on MSN and i have this urge to just talk to him. But i just can't. One part of me is saying, "You idoit! go talk to him!!!!" and the other "WHAT?! Talk to him?! are you crazy?! do you know you are an abnormal creature??!! you want to destroy his life?!"
Horrible. That's the word. And only because both sides are RIGHT.
There are sometimes when i am just so tempted to cast a spell or wish so hard that i have the ability to just snap my fingers and make him love me.
But this won't be real now would it?
With my life filled with lies as it is. Do i need another one?
Speaking of temples, as i have said earlier, i am planing to go into monkhood to pray for my fmaily and hopefully, get a peace of mind too. But therein lies a big snag. During my Ordination my mother and the old man are REQUIRED to be there to "send" me off into monkhood. I am supposed to ask for forgiveness and to forgive them in return. I can accept if it's my mother who presents me my robes. But the old man? ask for HIS forgiveness? He's not even my birth father for pete's sakes.
Call me old fashioned or anything you wish. But i have my own set of principles, as i am sure many of you guys have your own. And especially for something that is supposed to be sacred and holy, how can i, in good faith, go into an Ordination by starting the ceremony with a lie in the first instance? He is NEVER my father and he will NEVER be my father. He's a STEP father. And that's ALL he will ever be. Bear in mind people, my real father is still alive and kicking. The fortune teller, who happens to be my mother's very good friend, countered that if he's not my father, then why am i using the old man's surname? The reason is very simple. For someone who supposedly has pyschic powers, she certianly knows SHIT. I use the old man's surname for my mother. She is so materialistic. She wants her own fairy tale lifestyle, the money and the status. She also does not want people to know she has remarried. So what is a son to do? CHANGE surname lor. Even if it's only to shut her up. Besides, it's so apparent that they allowed me to go into this programme in the first place for them. Not for myself. When the fortune teller told them that when i become a monk, i can help to cleanse their sins and bring fortune for them, you have NO IDEA how co-operative they are. So really, is it for me? or for them?
I am seriously re-considering my decision. If i want to do this, i want to do this in my own time. And most definately not going to start my Ordianation with a lie that i know is in my heart. It will neglect what i have set out to do in the first place. What a total waste of time.
The folks at home are going to Thailand from the 19th to 24th of July. They wanted me to go but i said no. Firstly, they only give me 7 days of leave in the company. I don't know about you, but i believe strongly that work and personal life must not mix. If i offically have 7 days of leave for a year, i jolly well stick to that. They keep telling me the paper leave is just for show. I can go anytime i like for as long as i like.
SEE
Another LIE. Why bother to put something down on paper when you don't even follow it?
And second, even if i go with them, i will be their Ad Hoc servant. Carry bags here, do this, do that.
NO WAY. If it's a holiday, it jolly well BE a holiday. I'am not going to go somewhere and have them treat me like some free servant or bell boy to do things for them while they enjoy the "holiday". They can carry their OWN luggage. Especially that old man.
If there is ONE thing i hate and TOTALLY will NOT respect, it's a person who says and preaches about ONE thing, yet does the total opposite. I have totally NO respect for the old man.
Yes i know. Long post with many angry premutations.
It's MY blog. I'll write it anyway i wish.
EarlGrey
The latest round of the flu outbreak has unfortunately found their way into my system last week. High fever, cough, sore throat etc etc. The feeling was horrible. And what is worse, the wait for consulting a doctor is horrendeous. It took me TWO full hours of waiting and i STILL could not be seen by the doctor. Not just once, but 2 times in the week. I totally gave up waiting for the doc. Anyone who has been down with fever will understand how i feel when i say it's totally not fun to be sitting around feeling like you might just DIE in an air-con room waiting for your turn for the doctor.
So what is a guy to do? Survive on Panadol and wait out the cough. Saves me some money this way too. The feeling that you might just drop dead anytime also puts a person in perspective. I begin to think about the people around me, how i have treated them and vice versa. Ultimately, one can't help but think about the person he/she loves at that time. I, too, thought about the person i love currently. How recent events have happened between that person and me. I shall not use any names here, only because i know for a fact that the person will so freak out and NEVER talk to me again if he ever finds out the truth, no less because it's written out HERE, in a blog on the big wide internet. That's not to say that he has not already suspected to begin with. He kept asking me questions after questions about WHO it is that i love blah blah blah.
Why are kids so irritating nowadays? Sigh.
In the end, does it really matter who it is that i love? are names really necessary? me and him, never possible i guess. But the funny thing is, i see him almost everyday, and anytime i wish. I managed to get this very rare one off photo of him which i put into my handphone's wall paper. But that's all i can have of him, i realised. As it is, he dosen't talk to me much already. E ven when we DO talk, his answers are "Yup", "Nope" etc etc. He's such a great conversationist. *rolls eyeballs*. I put in his name with a donation to this Thai temple. Apparently he will have his name inscribed into the fondations of the temple and his life will change for the better.
I'am like that sometimes. Sucker for the romatic and the superfillious. Call it stupid, childish whatever. But i DO love him. Anything that has any potential good for him, i'll do. Next time when either of you falls in love, you'll understand what i'am doing too. There are so many time when i see him online on MSN and i have this urge to just talk to him. But i just can't. One part of me is saying, "You idoit! go talk to him!!!!" and the other "WHAT?! Talk to him?! are you crazy?! do you know you are an abnormal creature??!! you want to destroy his life?!"
Horrible. That's the word. And only because both sides are RIGHT.
There are sometimes when i am just so tempted to cast a spell or wish so hard that i have the ability to just snap my fingers and make him love me.
But this won't be real now would it?
With my life filled with lies as it is. Do i need another one?
Speaking of temples, as i have said earlier, i am planing to go into monkhood to pray for my fmaily and hopefully, get a peace of mind too. But therein lies a big snag. During my Ordination my mother and the old man are REQUIRED to be there to "send" me off into monkhood. I am supposed to ask for forgiveness and to forgive them in return. I can accept if it's my mother who presents me my robes. But the old man? ask for HIS forgiveness? He's not even my birth father for pete's sakes.
Call me old fashioned or anything you wish. But i have my own set of principles, as i am sure many of you guys have your own. And especially for something that is supposed to be sacred and holy, how can i, in good faith, go into an Ordination by starting the ceremony with a lie in the first instance? He is NEVER my father and he will NEVER be my father. He's a STEP father. And that's ALL he will ever be. Bear in mind people, my real father is still alive and kicking. The fortune teller, who happens to be my mother's very good friend, countered that if he's not my father, then why am i using the old man's surname? The reason is very simple. For someone who supposedly has pyschic powers, she certianly knows SHIT. I use the old man's surname for my mother. She is so materialistic. She wants her own fairy tale lifestyle, the money and the status. She also does not want people to know she has remarried. So what is a son to do? CHANGE surname lor. Even if it's only to shut her up. Besides, it's so apparent that they allowed me to go into this programme in the first place for them. Not for myself. When the fortune teller told them that when i become a monk, i can help to cleanse their sins and bring fortune for them, you have NO IDEA how co-operative they are. So really, is it for me? or for them?
I am seriously re-considering my decision. If i want to do this, i want to do this in my own time. And most definately not going to start my Ordianation with a lie that i know is in my heart. It will neglect what i have set out to do in the first place. What a total waste of time.
The folks at home are going to Thailand from the 19th to 24th of July. They wanted me to go but i said no. Firstly, they only give me 7 days of leave in the company. I don't know about you, but i believe strongly that work and personal life must not mix. If i offically have 7 days of leave for a year, i jolly well stick to that. They keep telling me the paper leave is just for show. I can go anytime i like for as long as i like.
SEE
Another LIE. Why bother to put something down on paper when you don't even follow it?
And second, even if i go with them, i will be their Ad Hoc servant. Carry bags here, do this, do that.
NO WAY. If it's a holiday, it jolly well BE a holiday. I'am not going to go somewhere and have them treat me like some free servant or bell boy to do things for them while they enjoy the "holiday". They can carry their OWN luggage. Especially that old man.
If there is ONE thing i hate and TOTALLY will NOT respect, it's a person who says and preaches about ONE thing, yet does the total opposite. I have totally NO respect for the old man.
Yes i know. Long post with many angry premutations.
It's MY blog. I'll write it anyway i wish.
EarlGrey
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